TNMC
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A NIGHT TO DISMEMBER
Movie: 4/10
This press list thing is really working out well. I received another package this week (not my Columbia House order containing Final Fantasy and On The Waterfront, reviews coming soon) but a Grade-F horror movie from 1983 called "A Night to Dismember". Was this as pleasant a suprise as it would have been to watch some photo-realistic computer animation or Marlon Brando claiming what it would have been like to be a contender? Sadly, no. (I hope this doesn't discontinue me receiving screener copies.) It was entertaining, but for all the wrong reasons. It was like watching an Ed Wood movie (only this one was directed by Doris Wishman). It's bloody/explicit effects were cheesy and the film was one of the worst I've ever seen put to film. What made the film entertaining was just how bad and hilarious it really was (the porno soundtrack was great too, simulated hi-hat roll with some John Holmes saxiphone action, that alone deserves a ten). The film features Samantha Fox (a "hardcore legend in her only, uh-legitimate role" to quote the DVD case) as Vicki Kent, a murderess released from a local insane asylum. Some people are murdered and some wonder if Kent is back to her old tricks. Cheesy killings, sex scenes, and a killer soundtrack make this film one of the worst horror movies ever committed to film (but a great comedy). Worth a watch for a good laugh, at least it's only 69 minutes (how appropriate with an adult film star as the lead). Ohh yeah, there isn't really any dialogue, just a voice over: "Mary! Mary! The voice was coming from the hat box..." (I'm gonna piss myself this is so cheesy.) If this movie can get made, I bet I can sure get a chance to make my own films. Hey, it was better than 13 Ghosts or Jeepers Creepers, but not by much.
Video: 5/10
Ick, it's almost as bad as the movie itself. (Artifacts and other poor transfer things are very visible.) It is widescreen and enhanced for 16X9 but I do have to admit that my bare ass would look better when committed to film. (No offense Elite, I'm sure your copies of Evil Dead and Night of the Living Dead are better than this. I can't blame you for not putting much time into this puppy.)
Audio: 5/10
Stereo... Can anyone tell me where to get that kick ass soundtrack?
Extras: 5/10
A trailer and a commentary by the director/director of photography. The commentary became quite annoying after awhile (probably the director's voice) although it was kinda funny to hear them talk about this horrible film. The trailer is hilarious too, however, it kinda looks shitty. I think it has more dialogue spoken directly by the actors than the movie itself.
Overall: 4/10
Worth a laugh if you like bad horror movies and prono soundtracks. (There is a nude porn star too.)
STAY TUNED FOR REVIEWS OF GREY GARDENS, EPISODE I, CITIZEN KANE, THE GODFATHER COLLECTION, AND MORE!
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