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Monarch Duplex
Let me address all the ladies out there. Yes, that picture was me. Taken in May 2001, outside a fair in my hometown of LaSalle. I've lost 40 pounds since then and I wear my glasses now. That picture showing up online was my end of a bet that I lost. DAMN YOU NBC! Now let's move on to more interesting things. Today, we have Miss Jones' review of the Duplex script and I'm also answering some recent emails. Next week: The Alamo.
Duplex Script Review
"Learning that a writer of The Simpsons wrote this script made my unsettled reaction to it a lot easier to understand. As hard as it may be to believe, I, an 80’s baby, have never been able to properly appreciate The Simpsons. Marge’s complacency, Homer’s utter stupidity, Bart’s thoughtless mischievousness, and Lisa’s misfortune never quite rubbed me the right way. I loathed their perfect dysfunctionality. Like The Simpsons characters, the eternally frustrated but upbeat couple, the Roses’, who sit at the center of Duplex were eternally frustrating me as well. Merry’s ultra feminine persona and Alex’s hidden sensitive side fit the cookie cutter male and female roles to the letter. Their socially accepted normalcy drove me absolutely berzerk, even more berzerk than the old lady who eventually brings them to their wits-end. Upon learning about the elderly lady living upstairs in the duplex, the first inquiry Alex has is about the possibility of evicting her! Not to mention his wife, Merry, whose first interaction with her neighbor is to ask to rummage through her apartment at a time when she obviously is not in the mood for visitors. And this is within our introduction to the couple. If that weren't enough to sour ones’ initial perception, Merry seemingly speaks of nothing else except babies, furniture, and bargain hunting (the fact that she works at Sotheby’s is no excuse). Okay, so honestly, Merry was more my target but Alex did not fair well for being with her. Sounds ridiculous, right? It is, I know. Basically, my affinity for characters who are at either end of the spectrum, i.e. perfectly dysfunctional or perfectly functional, is close to nonexistent.
Fortunately Larry Doyle (screenwriter) does not make us wait too long for a change. After about page 50, it becomes fairly apparent that Alex and Merry’s socially accepted normalcy is established primarily to form a noticeable contrast to the neurotically funny people the two later become. By stepping back from the extreme end of the character spectrum, Doyle helps to bring greater complexity to his characters and is able to further emphasize a humor that had been lurking under the surface all the while.
Duplex really is a funny script. It’s well written. It’s not terribly predictable. It’s simple, and its comedic elements rely on more than stupid human tricks. To really appreciate Duplex, though, I had to abandon all analytical tendencies and simply accept what I was given, much like The Simpsons. What we're given is a happy young couple, to be played by Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore, who find the perfect artifact, a Brooklyn duplex that is pricey but apparently well worth it. While they would rather be ‘true’ New Yorkers by living in Manhattan, they simply can't afford to live well there. In other words, their one room shoe box in East Village just is not going to cut it. Merry wants babies after all, and Alex wouldn't mind a better place to write his new novel, although his previous and first novel was for all practical purposes a total flop.
INT.APARTMENT-LIBRARY-DAY
Alex enters, carrying thirteen copies of his book, 'Dance of the Infidels'.
ALEX
Can you believe that they're selling my book at the Strand for one dollar. I bought them all up.
Alex’s salary as a magazine writer and Merry’s work as a Sotheby’s researcher and appraiser is just barely enough to cover the cost of the duplex, but it’s a diamond in the rough. They take it. The only problem: a burdensome tenant, Mrs. Connely, who rents the second floor loft for a ceiled price of $88.50 a month. She’s rented it for a few years now, watching landlord after landlord soon elect to live elsewhere. Her MO is sweet lonely old poor lady, but her actions are everything but. Connely plays her TV and radio full blast, disturbing her neighbors endlessly. She asks incessantly for unnecessary help, and she can't be too poor, because she wears Chanel perfume! Quite frankly, Mrs. Connely is diabolical in nature. During the neighbors first real meeting in which she serves the Roses’ an inch of wine in old jelly jars, Mrs. Connely’s macaw (parrot) viciously attacks Alex upon her request of him to move the bird. It had all the markings of a pioneered trap. But dear Mrs. Connely wouldn't do that, or so they think.
The next day, the same day Alex is fired from his job, she takes it upon herself to call a plumber to fix a leaky bathroom pipe for which Merry and Alex have to pay. Connely continues to make house calls that her landlords, already strapped for cash, either have to pay for or try to fix themselves. The latter obviously brings about inescapable opportunities to have plenty of Tim ‘the Tool Man’ Taylor type jokes mixed in with a little vomiting on the face. Good stuff.
In what had to be a cruel but funny practical joke, Mrs. Connely tells Alex and Merry that she is cold, absolutely freezing. Merry and Alex check her apartment to find the contrary, it is sweltering. They assure her that it'll be only a few moments before she warms up. Mrs. Connely decides to call the police, which sets off a movie long battle between the Roses’ and an Officer Dan. Connely happens to be the widow of a police officer, so the Roses’ are not given any sympathy for behavior assumed to be flagrant abuse and neglect. Thus far, Alex is the only one who sees beyond Connely’s church lady image. The macaw attack tainted him from the beginning. It is only after Merry has her turn with the macaw that the more exciting second half of Duplex finally kicks in. Merry tells Alex a vision she has of killing Mrs. Connely. They speak jokingly about killing her, but, underneath, lies serious contemplations of her death. After justifying her death as overdue given that she’s as old as Methuselah, the games begin.
INT.APARTMENT-BEDROOM-SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Sun streams in the window. We PAN over to the bed, where we see the titles of several pamphlets and books with the type-only covers: 'Art of the Kill,' 'Amateur Assassination,' '50 Ways to Off Your Lover,' 'Clean Kills,' etc.
Merry and Alex lazily lie on the bed, their legs overlapping, flipping through the books and trading them as if they were reading the Sunday New York Times together.
The remaining bit of the movie is much like Home Alone where the couple tries everything from getting the flu to rigging a hole in the floor to kill Mrs. Connely. Of course, the tricks don't work and come back to hunt the tricksters themselves. Surprisingly, the awful realization of what the Roses’ are doing becomes too much for them to bare, so they try to make amends. By some ridiculous and humorous fluke, Officer Dan eventually places the two in federal prison. While the Roses’ sit in prison with what they see as a second chance at life, Mrs. Connely sits in her apartment having a sixth chance to torment a new couple. The End.
Reading a prank in one dimension versus watching a prank unfold in two or three D are two different acts. This is why watching Duplex should be astronomically funnier than reading the script, especially when considering that Stiller and Barrymore will carry the movie. Stiller has proven his ability to work this type of role in this type of movie, and after Charlie’s Angels, imagining Barrymore hobbling in a leg cast and being attacked by an evil parrot isn't too difficult. This draft was rewritten in August of 2001 so it is likely that scenes will have been changed or taken out altogether by its slated release in March 2003. Hopefully, the last scene of the movie in which Mrs. Connely is reading an 'American People with Disabilities Act: Know Your Rights' book has changed to her reading a ‘Know Your Rights as a Tenant’ book since that would better solidify her actions throughout this movie. In general, the movie, to be brought to life visually by Danny Devito (Throw Momma from the Train, Hoffa, Matilda), should be quite entertaining. It certainly sounds funnier and better comedically paced than There's Something About Mary."
- This has been a Miss Jones production.
[an error occurred while processing this directive]The DeadPool Mail Diary
Got some interesting emails in the last few weeks. Here's some of your letters concerning the TROY script review:
Hi there
I just read your review to script for Troy. I saw that although an early draft your reviewer's reaction to the script was a positive one. But in my opinion from what i have read from the review, the script isn't so good and i say so because i have read both "iliad" and "odysseia" from Homer as well a lot of Greek mythology. In my opinion many things seems out of the ordinary as per example the way that Paris convince Helen to run with him. In the myth the three Goddess of Olympus , Hera, Athena, Aphrodite went to a wedding and the fought about the prize of the most beautiful women in Greece. So they search for the most handsome man to decide who from the three was the one and give her a golden apple as a prize. So they found Paris and ask him to choose from the three. Hera told him that if he choose her , she will make him ruler of the world. Athena told him that if he choose her she will make him the wisest man in the world. Aphrodite told him that if he choose her, she will make the most beautiful woman in all Greece to love him. So Paris give the prize to Aphrodite and she was the one that make Helen to love him so the decided to leave Mycynnaes (king Menelaus kingdom) for Troy.As i remember Hector wasn't with him in Mycynnaes. The other thing that i know is that the gods played a very important part in the war. It was Apollo who told Paris to shoot Achilles in the heel , the only vulnerable part of him, and kill him. It was Athena who told odysseus how to make the trojan horse and defeat the Trojans.
As you see from that little thinks i told you ,for me it seems that important parts of Homers poet "Iliad" are left out and that is why i believe that the draft isn't as good as you have point it out. i hope that many things will change in the future because i will hate to see another great epic poet to be turned into something not worthy.
If you read the Iliad even in a translation then i believe that you will understand why it is a classic!
See you around
Lookas (from Greece)
Another nice email:
As a high school English teacher who leads her students through The Iliad each year (the Fagles translation), I am filled with boundless joy to learn that not only is Brad Pitt playing the part of Achilles (I love both of them) -- but the script sounds literate and viable. When Robert Redford changed the ending of The Natural (Malamud's ending better fits the novel) to inspire, I understood -- and I can forgive TROY's writers for not killing off Achilles.
When the hundreds of students I have taught see this film, they will remember Homer and the beautiful hours we spent discussing the details of the epic.
Learning is good.
Ellen Pomella
And now for some weird emails concerning my review of the script for The Day After Tomorrow:
Greetings,
I just read your script review of Day After Tomorrow and I have a question. Did the script mention anything about monarch butterflies dying in Mexico due to the climate? I know this may be an odd question, but I would very much appreciate your time.
Thanks,
Doug
Wow, that's one heck of a strange question. But you're right. One scene involving Sela Ward's character (Dennis Quaid's ex-wife in the film). She's in the pediatric ward and some children are watching TV. A little boy asks: 'Who killed the butterflies? On TV, we see a reporter standing in a carpet of Monarch butterflies, killed by a sudden frost in Mexico.
I've not read the script for this film but I feel compelled to write you in regards to some comments made in your review. Just two quick comments of my own if you will;
#1. Independence Day was a complete piece of shit. I don't know one person with a three-digit IQ who thought it was good.
#2. Jake Gyllenhaal has acquitted himself quite nicely in films such as Donnie Darko and The Good Girl. I doubt you have seen either one of those films though as you were probably too busy at home masturbating to your Stargate DVD.
Have a nice life,
-Bryan
ID4 made $306 million in North America alone. I've never seen a piece of $%?% making this much money. It wasn't the greatest of movies but it was damn sure entertaining. Anyway my point was that compared to Tomorrow, ID4 is a masterpiece. As for Gyllenhaal, Moonlight Mile showed yet again that he's a hack. Two good indie films won't make me forget how lame he is. AND Please, keep your Jaye Davidson fantasies for yourself.
Looking for an Artist
In the past six months, my love for comic-books has risen again. After I stopped collecting three years ago, a friend of mine got me hooked again in late Spring. I'm back at it like in the good ole days. I'm a huge Marvel fan. I'm following Ultimate X-Men, The Ultimates, The Incredible Hulk, X-Statix, Agent X (the new DeadPOOL title!!!!), Ultimate Adventures, New X-Men and the soon to be cancelled Soldier X. I've also been reading Amazing Spider-Man and Ultimate Spider-Man from my friend's collection. Marvel has finally awakened from it's creative coma. They have some very gifted writers working for them now. Mark Millar's The Ultimates and Ultimate X-Men are some of the best stuff written in a while. A modern update of those mystical characters. Hulk has been reinvented by Bruce Jones. He's a damn good writer. Peter Milligan's X-Statix is just one of those kick ass titles. The beginning of his run, on what was previously called X-Force, is unlike anything I've ever read. We all know how spectacular Grant Morrison is. His New X-Men stories are modern day classics. J. Michael Straczynski's writing on Amazing Spider-Man is wonderful. Knowing that he'll be replaced by Kevin Smith(Who's Spidey/Black Cat mini is great) is even more exciting.
All of this has awakened an old dream of mine. I want to write like these guys. I want to write comic books. So I'm looking for an artist, someone who can draw to team up with me. I'm looking for the next Bryan Hitch, Mike Allred, John Romita Jr., Frank Quitely, Adam Kubert etc... Not sure what the concept will be right now. It might be superheroes or a reality based serial. I'm not offering any money, only exposure and perhaps a partnership. So if anyone is interested, please email me and send me an art sample along...
Stay tuned...
That's all folks...
Jean-François Allaire (aka DeadPool)
Questions, comments, praise etc. Email me at deadpool@tnmc.org
Jean-François Allaire is TNMC's first columnist. At only 24 years old he has become a respected entertainment journalist, with his columns appearing in Corona's Coming Attractions and Scr(i)pt magazine. He also writes a monthly column in Screenwriters Monthly entitled 'The Last Word.' Hailing from Montreal this young writer is determined to dig up all the details on the movies before they hit your local theater. If you're part of a movie production then you really need to be talking to him.
